Debbie J. Verner, 47

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As I felt the holly water on my toes the Priest blessed the casket with, I held my niece a little tighter. Standing there, in the isle of Ascension Church, before my sisters casket, poll bearers before us, reality of the situation sank deep within my soul. In sync, as in a dance, my niece and unveiled a cloth that was to cover her casket. I don’t recall much of the service, but I do recall belting out my best notes just for my sister because I know she always liked my voice. The previous night, at her wake, in closing, I read the poem (pictured) and said a few words on behalf of my niece and family. I reminded everyone of the symbolism of the Caterpillar and the butterfly. I tried to assure everyone that Debbie is fine now. She is with her Mom. This I know in my heart. However, we need to make sure my niece is fine- out of respect for my sister. My niece is now an adult. She’s 24 years old. I was 17 when my Mom passed away. Regardless of your age, it’s hard. My sister was also the same age as my Mom when she passed. Though my sister didn’t have breast cancer. We are awaiting the autopsy report.

In a sense, my sister gave me a gift. I was able to become so much closer with my Auntie Judy. I was able to reconnect with family and friends. I didn’t have time to grieve before the wake and funeral because I was busy helping my niece. On the day of the wake and funeral, I felt it wasn’t my time to grieve…it was my niece’s and I needed to show her support. Now that I’m back in Minnesota, with my family, I can breathe again. I wish I could have stayed a bit longer in Chicago, however, as a Mommy and Wife, I have to put my boys above all. They need me, as I need them… I know all too well that grief comes in waves, like the moon and the stars. You never really “get over” it. What we can do is live and embrace the positive…happier times…the memory that lives within our heart.

Despite my differences with my sister, I loved her. I always did. The last time I was in Ascension Church was actually with her and my niece for Christmas mass…before moving to Minnesota. I remember she was trying to make me laugh about something…and we were right in front. We traveled a block in snow to get there…the weather was much different this day.

Bebee Lake

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With everything that we’ve gone through, we needed a mental day to just “be.” The boys were first through the entire ordeal of me being in the ER, having pneumonia, and now the passing of my sister. Before I headed off to Chicago, we decided to take a day and spend some good, quality time together…at Bebee Lake. The boys had so much fun playing in the water and building sand castles. Ashish and I, for the first time in a long time, soaked in the joys of parenting and being parents. We are so blessed.

1st Date

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God, do I love this man… Everytime I think about him, I still get goosebumps. I have this quote in our bedroom that reads, “Just one life time won’t be enough for us.” So very true! There are times when I wish I would have grew-up with him. Though I do like my occassional space, I couldn’t imagine life without him. It still amazes me that we found one another, given that we grew up half way across the world from one another.
This was our first date since before Nishad was born! Ashish and I went to see Andre Rieu at the Target Center in Minneapolis. There were 6 oncors!! We haven’t been on so late in eons! We “waltzed” in at 11:30PM…
Two very special people made this possible. MD and J came over and hung out with the kids. We originally met MB through Nishad’s school. She quickly became near and dear to us, through conversations with Nishad. The following day, Nishad was all a buzz with stories of MB and her hubby. “Mommy, MB was trying to ride Tiger’s bike!” and “Oh, Mommy…I have to make a picture for J. He throws the ball into the sky.” We will always be thankful for this special time to reconnect as love-birds do. I look forward to returning the favor to MB and J when their baby comes home from Africa.
Now, more than ever, we needed this special couple time to remind us of what is “real.”

The Art of Volunteering

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The journey beyond my own back yard has begun.
When we first moved here, March 2004, I walked the neighborhood, in search of people who would like to be a part of a progressive luncheon (in hopes to get to know a few fellow neighbors). Shortly before the luncheon, I created and managed a neighborhood web site. People were able to suddenly connect and know who they lived next too. Our house is even a ‘volunteer’ McGruff House for kids. Shortly after I created the web site, I volunteered for the local festival committee, and applied to be on the park and rec commission. The first year on the festival committee, I sold pony ride tickets and helped set up. The second year I coordinated the dance entertainment and royalty program. I also coordinated Halloween activities in our neighborhood, and helped with National Night Out. Last year, I was asked to be a tri-chair for the school districts bond and levy campaign. Though our children will never attend the school district in which we live (or the surrounding districts) I felt compelled to help. I learned about a lot through this experience that even made my reasoning’s sounder of why our kids won’t be attending this school district. This is now my second year on park and rec., and this year I have the honor of being the chair. I enjoy serving on park and rec.~ I hope to be on it for a while.
I’m excited to “branch out” now.
About a month back, I filled out my information for a background check to volunteer for the Flint Hill Children’s Festival in Saint Paul. We have gone for the past few years and really enjoy it. Since the Festival and it’s staff have put such smiles on our faces, I thought it would be a great way to give something back.
Today was my first assignment as a volunteer. I worked from 10am until 5p.m. preparing children’s art work for the art crawl and helping hang hot air balloons in Dunn Brother’s. (People thought we were decorating for Cinco de Mayo!) What a fun group of people to work with! It was the perfect way to spend a rainy Sunday as well. Up on the 12th floor of the Landmark Tower building, you could see the view of the river and witness the pelting of rain.
I already look forward to my next volunteer duties! I’m so blessed that I have such a supportive husband that lets me volunteer for these things that I feel passionate about. I admit, I have the most amazing husband. I’m blessed in so many ways- it all starts and ends with his presence in my life.
This weekend was non-stop for me, as are most week days currently. I’m quite tired…however, I am filled with joy.

Parade of Houses

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Saturday night, and the house is quiet at 9:30PM. All my boys are sound asleep. Daddy too! He stayed home with the boys today while I ventured out. He was quite tuckered out by the time I wandered in (no comment A.D. & D.D.).

This morning I was up early with Tiger…who apparently LOVES to rise WITH the sun. I had to get a move on as I volunteered at Nishad’s school for the ‘public’ open house that they had today. I came armed with green tea and munchies. When you find something you feel passionate about, and you love it…you’re happy to volunteer. I was able to chat and laugh with the staff ~ such a group of kind hearted women that have quite a sense of humor.

After I headed to the D’s for C’s confirmation open house! One thing I love about visiting the D’s is that when you walk in, you are always greeted with a smile and a warm hug. I thank God that Nishad and E were born on the same day, at the same hospital. It’s because of this connection that they came into our lives. Little did I know that I would become so fond of them. I think God knew though. 🙂 I only wished we lived closer, and had a little more time to spare these uber busy times. The D’s were all dressed in black and white and looked so stylish. Both the girls have grown so much since the last time I saw them. There was a picture of the girls in the hallway that was so precious…I remember thinking at that time how little all the kids were. It seemed like things were a bit stressful…and that they wouldn’t grow up quick enough. Funny how I find myself now wisheing time could slow down a bit…and Nishad is only 3 1/2 years old. I guess it’s good I learnt that lesson early. Cherish the time, even in the height of feeling stressed at times as it does go by quick.

Tiger will be 18 mos. in a few days. Amazing. I’m still having abdominal pains under my belly button. I’m still very tender there. It’s been like that since Tiger was born. It comes and goes. Yesterday I was holding a plate in my hand and had such a sharp pain in my left side, I almost dropped the plate. I’ve also gained weight. This winter was long. I actually struggled with a bit of seasonal depression this winter. Argh…Minnesota. We’re decided to lay off traveling in the summer to focus on longer ‘escapes’ in the winter. A little vitamin D does the body good! I’m glad that summer is here so I can be a bit more diligent and focus on the healthy Mom I desire to be and need to be. I haven’t made my yearly doctor appointment yet. I was always very good about that…until this year.

This will also be my last summer with both boys not in school!! Nishad has two more years after this year at LFM (pre-school and K). However, Tiger will be attending at the same time Nishad is in the toddler classroom (across from his big brother!). This is a great opportunity for all of us. We also feel like it makes up for so much of the things that Tiger has already missed out on that Nishad did when he was a baby/toddler. The boys will both go to school with their Daddy and I will pick them up at 11:30a.m. each day. Exciting times.